Time has to be one of the most underestimated phenomenons in existence. The ability of time and its way of passing so quickly and yet so fervently never ceases to amaze me. For almost seven months I've battled with time, I've cursed it for moving too quickly, too slowly, too abruptly and for not allowing me the breath to prepare for it. When I look back to May I think of how much my life has changed, how much I've changed and I wonder if it's even possible or if this is some simultaneously fucked up yet loveable dream.
I've been through my first "divorce" and it left my heart aching so badly I believe there's a permanent physical wound, although an MRI or Catscan may never make it visible. My father fell ill and I endured firsthand the responsibilities of an only child to an unwed parent. Soars and surges of anxiety and stress nearly sent me into a hospital as well. But...amidst the darkness, and the fogginess of dreary grey clouds, there were, as there always should be, patches, and later rays, of undeniable sunshine.
Imani is growing to be such a trip. New videos of her will come soon. She's quite the talker and I enjoy her phone messages with "Titi Nina come home!" She's a natural flirt, does the shimmy when she eats something she likes and can win you over with just a smile... sounds like someone I know. You sure this isn't MINE and your kid, Candice?
In the last several months, I've traveled to new places (California), and returned to ones that are starting to feel like a second home (Florida). As I reach my 25th birthday, I'm starting to think maybe New York, in all its fabulousness, isn't where I'm meant to be my entire life. Maybe it's time for something different. Maybe it's time for Elle J to figure out what Elle J wants instead of being 100% focused on what would please everyone else.
Guess we'll have to wait and see...
I leave you with an excerpt from my upcoming ...something
"One warm spring night on a dimly lit beach, my tremulous world collided head on with someone else’s. Together we felt the crash and let its remnants burn off our tongues."
I've been through my first "divorce" and it left my heart aching so badly I believe there's a permanent physical wound, although an MRI or Catscan may never make it visible. My father fell ill and I endured firsthand the responsibilities of an only child to an unwed parent. Soars and surges of anxiety and stress nearly sent me into a hospital as well. But...amidst the darkness, and the fogginess of dreary grey clouds, there were, as there always should be, patches, and later rays, of undeniable sunshine.
Imani is growing to be such a trip. New videos of her will come soon. She's quite the talker and I enjoy her phone messages with "Titi Nina come home!" She's a natural flirt, does the shimmy when she eats something she likes and can win you over with just a smile... sounds like someone I know. You sure this isn't MINE and your kid, Candice?
In the last several months, I've traveled to new places (California), and returned to ones that are starting to feel like a second home (Florida). As I reach my 25th birthday, I'm starting to think maybe New York, in all its fabulousness, isn't where I'm meant to be my entire life. Maybe it's time for something different. Maybe it's time for Elle J to figure out what Elle J wants instead of being 100% focused on what would please everyone else.
Guess we'll have to wait and see...
I leave you with an excerpt from my upcoming ...something
"One warm spring night on a dimly lit beach, my tremulous world collided head on with someone else’s. Together we felt the crash and let its remnants burn off our tongues."
7 comments:
hey girl! glad to see you back. I understand the need for change, and going through the whole "divorce" I'm still dealing with that, but in a worse way cause now there are ties that can't be broken. You were in Cali? WHEN? Where'd you go? What'd you do? I changed my myspace btw. I have to look u up to add u again. Take care =)
welcome back:)
Hey girl. I randomly stumbled across your blog.
I thought I knew heartache. But I can't even imagine what divorce is like. You seem like a very level-headed person. Kudos.
Anyways, I think you're a very god writer, keep it up.
Hey Elle,
I am glad to see you back. I also understand the need for change. Sometimes change can be a good thing.
I am sorry that you had to go through the "divorce". I am also sad to hear that you father was ill. I hope that he is feeling and doing much better.
Oh Imani is too cute. I can't wait for the updated videos.
Miss seeing you are around here but glad that you are back.
The one important thing to remember is that we spend our lives passing time. We try to fabricate happiness by forcasting our future and hoping time delivers our ideal to the present. Our own expectations can be our disappointment. Carpe Diem L. Without expectations, the present becomes a stage for happiness to headline. It also makes dating random schmucks a lot funner. Becuase it aint about finding your future bo, its about having fun, that day, with that dude. Tomorrow is another day for another adventure. dig?
I had the time to read this well and I have to say very good writing. I really enjoyed reading what u have wrote so far and look forward to your next post
=), welcome back.
i think moving around and spending time in different places is essential to staying sane, if you feel the need, look into and follow it.
what you wrote was simply beautiful....i look forward to reading your "upcoming something".
=)
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